The Paddle Steamer Waverley

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Splish-splash, splish-splash, splish-splash, splish...

Hello! I'm Joe. Just thought I'd let you know. There can be nothing worse than to see a clunking great iceberg looming, and knowing that you had never been introduced to the sod who'd been steering the bloody boat at the time. I will be your Captain for this nostalgic trip 'doon the watter.'

Welcome aboard the Paddler. As you can see, we are 'filled tae the gunnels' with gallivanting Glaswegians today. They are all hell bent on having a 'rerr day oot.' Mammies, Daddies, with the 'weans' in tow, looking forward to a day out in the fair town of Rothesay-o.

I would like you to imagine it's a bright sunny Sunday morning in May, away back in the heyday of the Paddle Steamers, when we cast off from the Broomielaw, on the river Clyde. We have hardly reached mid-stream and already the music from the saloon-bar has begun, with a Harry Lauder type guy singing;

'For we're no' awa' tae bide awa', we're no' awa' tae leave ye.' We're no' awa' tae bide awa', we'll aye come back and see ye.'

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We sail down the river and out into the beautiful surroundings of the Firth of Clyde. Passing Dumbarton Rock, with its Castle on the top. This is where Mary Queen of Scots as a child, spent her last night, before being safely transported to France, where she matured to become an intelligent and beautiful woman, marrying the Dauphin, Francois, who was to become King, but then that's another story. 

Splish-splash, splish-splash, splish-splash, splish, the little Paddler battles against the force of the in-coming tide.

There are children on the top-deck with their Mammies, throwing crusts of bread into the air, which the seagulls are swooping down on, and catching the tasy morsels in mid-air.

Down below deck, in the engine-room, the Engineer is toiling with the oiling of a coiling, while the boiler-man is boiling in his boiler-suit, all sooty, and attending to the normality of his duty.

Up on deck, the gulls are still a-busy, sending messages of thanksgiving to the people down below, one of which lands, with a sickly-splatter, slap-bang on the head of the Harry Lauder type guy, who had just emerged from the smokey atmosphere of the saloon-bar.

Splish-splash, splish-splash, splish-splash, splish. The Paddler is approaching Rothesay Bay.

A drunk, in the saloon-bar, shouts, 'Gi'e us anither ane.' The chanter, the Harry Lauder type guy, mistaking his call to the barman, as that of someone wishing an 'encore,' begins singing;

'Maxwelltown Braes are bonny, where early fa's the dew. 't was there that Annie Laurie gied me her promise true'

The drunk shouts, 'Hey, you wi' the seagull's shite on yer heid. Gonnae shut yer face, ye'll make it effin' rain.' 

Splish-splash, splish-splash, splish-splash, splish...

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